Tha Many Faces (feces) of Phil Collins

('I can feel it coming in the air tonight'. So can I Phil. So can I.)

My disdain for Phil Collins rivals only The Literate Douchebag's disdain for The Eagles. I've always remembered him as the guy with the pretentious smirk, the guy who played with a drum kit that could outfit an entire African native tribe, and the guy who left the fecal deposit... err, song 'I Can't Dance'. In case you forgot, let me leave this for you:

"Cos, I can’t dance, I can’t talk.
Only thing about me is the way I walk.
I can’t dance, I can’t sing
I’m just standing here selling."

Although technically written by Genesis, we all know a Peter Gabriel-less Genesis is like Tom Cruise without the crazy. It's just not as entertaining.

Regardless, the ultimate example of Phil Collins' douchebaggery, check out the following album covers:

Look to the left, which one doesn't belong (click the picture for a bigger view)? When no one can tell the difference between one of your album covers and Sinead O'Connor's, you're in some douchebagging quicksand. Every single album cover is the same. In fact, you cannot even tell based on his appearance what decade (or orifice) it could have come from.

Not to mention Phil Collins' single-handedly ruined one of Disney's best animated features in recent memory (Tarzan) with his patented 80's synth drum beats, heavily distorted vocals and a song called 'You'll Be in My Heart'. I never would thought I would yearn for the days of 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight'. It makes one wonder if he's completely incapable of hearing what his own garbage smells like.

Or can he? In a recent Rolling Stone article , Collins admits to being nearly deaf and unable to hear a bass line. This explains plenty. Based on this alone, Collins should be entered into some kind of pop-music Special Olympics (I would love to see the one-legged air guitar competition).

By a narrow margin, Phil Collins is no douchebag, although his music and album covers definitely point that way.

Besides being partly handicapped, Collins' charity efforts and reputation for being a 'nice guy' makes his music bearable in a I'll-watch-Brokeback Mountain-because-of-Anne-Hathaway's-nudie-scene kind of way. I just can't call the guy a true douchebag.

The Eagles though...